Everyday Struggles

I’m not one to complain, especially after knowing what Jesus put himself through to allow us forgiveness for our sinful behaviors, but every once in awhile, more than I would care to admit, I catch myself wallowing in pity and asking myself why me?  I’m also not one to ask for pity, brag about my accomplishments, or the type to envy others for some unknown reason, however, I am human, and I do have emotions that run wild at any time of day.

My everyday routine is the same: wake up at 7AM, let the dogs out, drink my coffee (usually an entire pot 😉 ) while watching the news, eat breakfast, exercise (if I have the motivation available, which is usually not the case!),let the dogs out again,  shower, household chores, eat lunch, prepare for my husband’s return home from work, let the dogs out again,  internet blabbering while he is sleeping (he wakes up at 4AM, so a nap is always in his schedule) prepare dinner, let the dogs out, wash the dishes, prepare my to-do list for tomorrow, read a little, in bed by 10PM.

So as you can see, and no I am not complaining one bit or bragging, I do not sit around on my butt doing diddly squat!  In fact, just a couple of months ago I was working from home watching 2-7 kids at a time while completing my daily to-do lists (which I miss doing desperately).

I’m a busy stay-at-home wife, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but as the months have progressed, a number of things have began to spiral out of control (finances, job placements, establishing a home), leaving me wondering if God is trying to tell me things have got to change for the better.  But then I stop and ask myself why?  Isn’t this supposed to be the way things are supposed to be?  Me staying at home  holding down the fort while my husband works, and so on and so forth.  It’s complicated, it really is, but then again it isn’t meant for me to understand, I’m only here to follow in His path that is so preciously paved out for me with no questions asked.

So, even though I have gone through a miscarriage only 2months ago (will explain more in a future blog), Bambi decided to total our car leaving us to take out an extensive loan on a new vehicle, which has left us very tight for cash, entitling us to move out of our own place and striking a residence in my grandparents basement (which is unfinished and very cold with no bathroom or kitchen), and we are headed towards a meltdown financially and mentally, I still believe God has a purpose for each and every thing in my life.  Therefore, I have taken the initiative to apply for any and all CNA positions in the area to help with our financial situation, as well as my husband has began looking for another job closer to home (we’re spending way too much in gas with the new vehicle to get him back and forth to work).  So far he has the chance of a part-time job in the area (which we are thankful for in so many aspects).  I on the other hand have had one interview (I did not get the job), turned down one job (was only part-time working every other weekend) and one more interview in a couple of days.  It’s nerve wracking, especially not knowing if this is the road God wants me to establish, but if it is, than I will have all the motivation to push forth and pursue it.  I know that if it is the path chosen,  than a full-time job placement for me will happen and everything will be alright.  It’s all in God’s timing.  I just have to keep reminding myself that and establish a little more patience.