Chaos At Its Finest

It’s hard to believe that four months ago I gave birth to my sweet, precious baby girl.  Adding her to our already family of three (six- if you count the two crazy dogs and bearded dragon!) has truly been a blessing and a complete turn around for this mama.

With little man being only 19 months when baby girl was born, I knew I would have my hands full, and my heart exploding with love even in the darkest of mommy hours.  But I didn’t know the hardship of juggling it all until the time came for me to do it: diaper changes, washing the diapers (yes, we’re crazy, happy cloth diaper users!), the insane amount of never-ending laundry, household chores, showers for myself-let alone brushing my teeth, bath times, cooking not once, but 3 times a day, pumping 8 times per day, and the insane quizzical debate over whether or not to nap, take a shower, or relax during baby boys nap time (which has completely gone out the window now!).  Add trying to find alone time for myself, or spending time with the husband, and you’re left with one warn out zombie momma.

Luckily over the past few months I’ve learned a few things, and the biggie here is to let things slide.  I’m not talking about letting the house and yourself run downhill, but realize that it’s okay to order take-out on an extremely hard day, or that its okay to take that extra hour for sleep instead of catching up on household chores.

Remember, the mess will be there for only a few short years.  The messy faces that seem to always need wiping will one day be missed, and crazy enough as it sounds, so will all the diaper changes.

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I no longer attempt to have a spotless house, which is a daily struggle for my OCD to take a side step-but I ignore it anyways until the babies are both in bed for the night.  I no longer wash dishes during the day, instead I wash everything all at once at night while aimlessly drooling over my dishwasher that stares me in the face each night -darn that water leak!  I don’t have a specific day for cleaning the entire house like I used to, instead I divide up one chore for each day of the week (except for Sunday-that’s my lazy day!)  I’ve learned to accept the fact that there will typically always be a load of laundry to wash everyday, crumbs on my coffee table, something that will stop me in my tracks and make me wonder, “Did that just happen?!”  And I’m okay with that.  In fact I feel more at home with toys covering every inch of my living room floor (little lego pieces aren’t a part of the picture so crying out in the middle of the night isn’t in the equation…yet!), and the kitchen never being completely clean.  As long as my husband  and kids are happy and feeling loved that’s all that matters to me.

Don’t let me fool you into thinking I have it all down pat though.  No ma’am….that is far from the truth.  I am SLOWLY getting used to the role of being a mommy of two,wife and homemaker, and I think everyday for the rest of mommy hood I will learn something new that will make my day go by so much more smoothly.   But until then, word of advice: if you hear me saying”I love my children”repeatedly during the day, then just know its a day that seems like it’ll never end, and anything that you could possibly think could happen, probably has!

Its funny how adding another child to the mix can change your perspective in life.  Just remember to repeat “I love my children” when the going gets tough and you’ll be okay, I promise!

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Everyday Struggles

I’m not one to complain, especially after knowing what Jesus put himself through to allow us forgiveness for our sinful behaviors, but every once in awhile, more than I would care to admit, I catch myself wallowing in pity and asking myself why me?  I’m also not one to ask for pity, brag about my accomplishments, or the type to envy others for some unknown reason, however, I am human, and I do have emotions that run wild at any time of day.

My everyday routine is the same: wake up at 7AM, let the dogs out, drink my coffee (usually an entire pot 😉 ) while watching the news, eat breakfast, exercise (if I have the motivation available, which is usually not the case!),let the dogs out again,  shower, household chores, eat lunch, prepare for my husband’s return home from work, let the dogs out again,  internet blabbering while he is sleeping (he wakes up at 4AM, so a nap is always in his schedule) prepare dinner, let the dogs out, wash the dishes, prepare my to-do list for tomorrow, read a little, in bed by 10PM.

So as you can see, and no I am not complaining one bit or bragging, I do not sit around on my butt doing diddly squat!  In fact, just a couple of months ago I was working from home watching 2-7 kids at a time while completing my daily to-do lists (which I miss doing desperately).

I’m a busy stay-at-home wife, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but as the months have progressed, a number of things have began to spiral out of control (finances, job placements, establishing a home), leaving me wondering if God is trying to tell me things have got to change for the better.  But then I stop and ask myself why?  Isn’t this supposed to be the way things are supposed to be?  Me staying at home  holding down the fort while my husband works, and so on and so forth.  It’s complicated, it really is, but then again it isn’t meant for me to understand, I’m only here to follow in His path that is so preciously paved out for me with no questions asked.

So, even though I have gone through a miscarriage only 2months ago (will explain more in a future blog), Bambi decided to total our car leaving us to take out an extensive loan on a new vehicle, which has left us very tight for cash, entitling us to move out of our own place and striking a residence in my grandparents basement (which is unfinished and very cold with no bathroom or kitchen), and we are headed towards a meltdown financially and mentally, I still believe God has a purpose for each and every thing in my life.  Therefore, I have taken the initiative to apply for any and all CNA positions in the area to help with our financial situation, as well as my husband has began looking for another job closer to home (we’re spending way too much in gas with the new vehicle to get him back and forth to work).  So far he has the chance of a part-time job in the area (which we are thankful for in so many aspects).  I on the other hand have had one interview (I did not get the job), turned down one job (was only part-time working every other weekend) and one more interview in a couple of days.  It’s nerve wracking, especially not knowing if this is the road God wants me to establish, but if it is, than I will have all the motivation to push forth and pursue it.  I know that if it is the path chosen,  than a full-time job placement for me will happen and everything will be alright.  It’s all in God’s timing.  I just have to keep reminding myself that and establish a little more patience.